We guess Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson, formerly the Senate’s Dumbest Republican until Tommy Tuberville swooped in and violently snatched his wig and tiara, has grown a beard. Why? Dunno. Probably the same depressing reasons Ted Cruz grew a beard, whatever those are. Maybe they all want to do a naked lumberjack Santa calendar with JD Vance called “Hillbilly Bowl Full Of Jell-egy” and JD was like “Face hair or it didn’t happen, boys.”
So that’s your mental image for the morning, you’re welcome.
Point is, beard or no beard, dude is still a fucking moron.
Johnson was on CNN with Kaitlan Collins on Monday, where he tried to explain that it’s just fine for Republicans to try to steal elections with fake electors, because the Democrats are always doing that. When are the Democrats doing that? Oh just always. But when, specifically? The times, all the times. No, but wait, what the hell is he talking about? He’s talking about the thing he’s talking about, the thing he remembers.
Look in “the books” he says! Which books? Ermmmm …
We pick up in the transcript just after Johnson whines that these poor fake Wisconsin electors “did nothing different than many Democrats have done in many states.” Record screech, what did this idiot just say?
KAITLAN COLLINS: They certainly did, Senator. I mean there were multiple slates of fake electors, including in your home state. They’re acknowledging that they were playing a role in trying to improperly overturn the election. That’s what they said.
RON JOHNSON: They got themselves out of a nuisance lawsuit. They agreed to get, to settle a nuisance lawsuit that never should have been brought.
COLLINS: So, you think it’s fine that someone …
JOHNSON: Travesty of justice.
COLLINS: You think it’s fine that someone who tried to overturn a legitimate election is still on a board that certifies …
JOHNSON: Democrat electors have done that repeatedly. Democrats have done …
What?
COLLINS: Which one? In Wisconsin, there’s been fake slates of electors?
JOHNSON: No, it’s happened in different states.
Is he hallucinating? Does he know he’s not on right-wing media where everybody at home will believe whatever they say because they’re all so pigfuck dumb?
COLLINS: Which ones, sir?
JOHNSON: I didn’t come prepared to give you the exact states, but it’s happened repeatedly. It has happened repeatedly. Just go check the books.
He didn’t come prepared to mention even one time the Democrats did this — “the exact states” — but it definitely happens all the time, repeatedly. Check the books!
Wait, which books?
COLLINS: Which books?
JOHNSON: I mean, there have been alternate slates of electors by Democrat electors in our history. Again, you didn’t– this wasn’t what this interview was gonna be about. I’ll come in, I’ll provide you the information, but I’m absolutely certain about that.
Ron Johnson cannot answer your questions because he just made that up on the fly or maybe he is senile or maybe is just an absolute dipshit and was therefore unprepared to defend it. He’ll provide you the information after he spends some time on Wikipedia, but he’s absolutely certain.
Collins said she looked forward to Johnson’s office sending CNN the “information.” She sounded like she was trying not to laugh. “WE’LL DO THAT!” said Ron Johnson, defensively.
For background, fake electors in Wisconsin settled a lawsuit last week where they were forced to admit Joe Biden is the real president, that they tried to overturn a real election. They are not allowed to be electors in 2024 or any election where Donald Trump is on the ballot. (Related: In Nevada, they just indicted the fake elector motherfuckers. So that’s cool.)
This is what Johnson was calling a “nuisance lawsuit.” And one of those fake electors, a guy named Bob Spindell, is on the Wisconsin Election Commission.
It seems like he should resign, eh?
But no, Ron Johnson says, because Democrats are always having fake electors, mmhmm yup you betcha.
Mediaite explains one time where something happened with two slates of electors, but it absolutely was not anything like the criminal garbage humans who helped Trump try to steal the election. It was 1960, and it was in Hawaii:
After Hawaii counted its votes, Richard Nixon was ahead pending a recount, which ended up putting Kennedy over the top. However, that recount was still ongoing by the time Hawaii needed to send its slate of electors to Congress. Both the Democrats and the Republicans sent their slates of electors, with the understanding that the slate for the actual winner would be recognized. (Hawaii’s results were moot by that point, as Kennedy already won enough electoral votes.)
That is apparently the one incident MAGA Republicans are clinging to like a gun and a Bible.
It doesn’t matter how many times white fascist Republicans try to pretend there was an actual question over who won the 2020 election. All normal, rational and sentient people know Joe Biden beat Trump, and beat the living fucking piss out of him.
Important journalism question:
Did Ron Johnson snort some bad cheese curds and they have infected his brain even more than usual?
We look forward to the senator’s office providing that information.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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