Wonkette will have a full recap of the first day of Michael Cohen testifying in Donald Trump’s porn peener payoff trial mañana, but we wanted to note that today, Republican Senators JD Vance and Tommy Tuberville showed up to bitch and moan outside the courtroom on Trump’s behalf.
If you want to see what Vance, that sanctimonious and entirely fake pile of human butthair, had to say, you may search the internet. We don’t feel like wasting precious seconds of our life typing about him, because we respect that guy even less than Mitt Romney does.
Here, we will focus on Tommy Tuberville, not because we respect him more, but because that escaped hick coach — who prefers you call him “Coach” and not “Senator” — is exactly the stupid pigfuck he looks like he is, therefore he entertains us more.
Today, he was aggrieved and upsetted and feelin’ poorly about what was goin’ on inside that there danged courtroom. First of all, they wouldn’t even give Donald Trump the worship and adulation Coach Pigfuck knows he deserves! His whining started there, and moved on:
“First of all, I’m disappointed in the courtroom. I’m hearing, ‘Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump.’ He is former President Trump. Give him some respect.
We decline.
We do note how funny and impotent the twangy coach man sounds when he demands respect for a man who hasn’t earned it. One imagines he’s probably taken that same tone with an intelligent student who refused to treat him like a real educator.
“I mean, that’s what that place is in there. It’s no respect!
Big man so mad.
“Here is what I’m seeing, too. It is depressing. That courtroom is depressing.
Bless your heart. Bless Trump’s heart. Bless everyone’s hearts.
“This is New York City. The icon of our country, and we got a courtroom that’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever been in.
Did this redneck think the judge was going to be wearing a fun Statue of Liberty headdress? Maybe everybody gets to wear an “I Love NY” T-shirt or get free tickets to The Lion King?
Rube.
“Mental anguish is trying to be pushed on the Republican candidate for the president of the United States this year. That’s all this is. He’s been here a month. He’s been here a month. I am disappointed in looking at the American — supposedly American citizens in that courtroom, that the D.A. comes in and he acts like it is his Super Bowl. I guess it is, to be noticed. But that’s what’s happening in this country.
“The Republican candidate for president of the United States is going through mental anguish in a courtroom that’s very depressing!
Very depressing. Mental anguish. Very depressing.
Very depressing!
Mental anguish.
Here is Tubs saying “very depressing” and “mental anguish.”
“I’m glad to stand by President Trump. I’m a friend of his. I’m here more as a friend than backing him as candidate as president. At the end of the day, Democrats are trying to beat President Trump in the jury box because they can’t beat him at the ballot box. That’s end of story.”
Okeydoke, Coach. Time to head back to your trough, it’s feedin’ time, snort snort snort.
OPEN THREAD.
[videos via Acyn / full transcript via JoeMyGod]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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